Perşembe, Mart 23, 2006

After a damn quarter

How can I describe my feelings about this quarter? Hate, loneliness, feeling useless and empty, losing academic desire and joy, feeling deceived...bla bla bla [many more which I prefer not to write any more]

The only thing I dreamed of was seeing the end of quarter without going insane!


I *really* do not want to write anything about first ~10 weeks of the quarter. But a quick summary may be helpful for those who are new to my blog (and my life!). Concentrating on a random exam and missing most of the classes of first three weeks. After learning that I failed the exam miserably (for which I studied 3+ months) I realized that it is already the half of the quarter, which means MT time. Missed rest of the classes with lack of motivation...With the anger of the notorious exam I took classes which I am really do not have enough background. Working hard hard hard just to catch up with the material. Finding an evil class project in my hands. More than one disorganized classes...Breaking my personal record of sleepless nights in a row...

Then Spring came, with white flowers and beautiful smells...

As a son of Spring, my spirit have the ability to speak with Spring. Everything changed two weeks ago. As the rains passed away, all the bad feelings gone from my soul with the lukewarm spring wind...

I do not know what changed me that much, most probably just the weather. It may also be a little word or a spofes. Maybe all of them or none of them, who knows? May be I have not changed at all, I just recovered from a nightmare. Frankly, I don't need to know the reason. The only important thing is I am back!

I fall back to my original plans. (Which is good, after months of discussion with myself, I finally have a decision!) I guess I am on the right track for now, but will see together :).

(For the curious : Did I completely abandon the plan for going into business? No, not actually. Say, I postponed it for the time being.)

Finals. Neither I had the energy nor the motivation for studying the finals.

Although I feel much better at finals period, it is hard to learn everything in two weeks. So I tried to do my best. I was tired of these weird classes. I hope next time I will be wise enough not to pick all fantastic classes for my study list. I do not care about the result of this quarter that much actually. Since this was my worst quarter in all terms, I hope this will be my all-time dip, and my trend starts to going upwards.

Phoenix will eventually born out of its ashes...

I do not believe legends or miracles. But what I believe is everything cannot go wrong forever. Some kind of an evil combination of events put me in that bad mood, and some kind of another combination recovered me back. I am feeling much better now.

What is next? [Yes, this is the most important question.] I would like to let Vivaldi answer it for me. After L'Inverno, it is time for La Primavera (which is my favorite of all four!).

What is next, in the near future? Spring break, time for relaxation and refilling my energy bars!

It is all about "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly"...


This period of time taught me so many lessons. I am feeling much more mature. Now, I know most of the people are intrinsically not good. Nothing (including human beings) is as good/bad as it seems. Truths are painful but they are still the truths. You cannot change all those things by staying passively and waiting I to come and make Tetris. You have to show your ugly face to the world. May be that's why people put up faces, eh?

Special Thanx to...

There are more than one person I am feeling grateful but, especially I want to thank one single person. My "mentor" :) and friend Emre. Thank you very much for your friendship!

1 yorum:

Emre dedi ki...

aslan kardesim benim!
Ahmet I am flattered, it is my pleasure and honor being your friend. You are a gifted person with an incisive mind and a great personality, and you deserve all there is out there. It is my greatest accomplishment if I have helped you even a little to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel. You came here to make a change, so litle has been done, there is so much to be tackled! Together, arm-in-arm, we will deal with all of them. No matter what life has served us with so far, still, a bright future awaits for the virtuous and the inquisitive...